On the eighth anniversary of 9/11, we’ve now been fighting this war for TWICE as long as it took for us to defeat the Japanese – the closest historical comparison. We’re still fighting, and in many respects, we’re losing. Briefly:

Afghanistan – where all acknowledge we are close to collapse, the Taliban are now in control of large swaths of the country. Even after the addition of 20,000 more US troops, our commanders have called for more. This, after 8 years of… what, exactly?

From wikipedia:

On August 10, 2009, Stanley McChrystal, the newly appointed U.S. commander in Afghanistan, said that the Taliban has presently gained the upper hand and that the ISAF is not winning in the 8 year-old war. In a continuation of the Taliban’s usual strategy of summer offensives, the militants have aggressively spread their influence into the north and west Afghanistan, and stepped up their attack in an attempt to disrupt August 20 presidential polls. Calling the Taliban a “very aggressive enemy”, he added that the U.S. strategy in the months to come is to stop their momentum and focusing on protecting and safeguarding the Afghan civilians, while also calling it “hard work”.

Pakistan – The Taliban are gaining control of ever more territory and are threatening to gain control of the nuclear weapons in the one Islamic country that currently has them.

Iran – We are allowing the biggest state sponsor of Islamic terrorism to build their own nukes, despite the repeated threats of their President to use them to destroy our closest ally in this fight, Israel.

Saudi Arabia – Money from the royal family still flows to the Islamofascist and Wahhabi coffers which created Bin Laden and inspires terrorists across the globe.

Iraq – Our refusal to fight a total war left us bogged down for over 5 years in a needless war of attrition where we forced our soldiers to fight with both hands practically tied behind our back. Now that we have left, we see violence rising again, as Islamists come out of hiding to further foment chaos.

Across the Islamic world, in an unbroken stretch of land from Pakistan all the way to Saudi Arabia and beyond in Syria and Lebanon, we see an enemy gaining power, not losing it. Al Qaeda, itself, may be on the decline, but this war was never about just that one group (and even there, Bin Laden and al-Zawahiri remain at large). It was about an ideology, which holds that America as a bastion of Secular Freedom is its mortal enemy.

Why are we losing? We’re losing because Christian altruism demands that we do.

Here’s an article published 3 years ago, on the 5th anniversary of the attacks, by The Objective Standard. Titled “Just War Theory” vs. American Self-Defense, it lays out, in precise detail, how we’ve gone from a country willing to nuke entire cities of our enemies in order to defeat them to one where civilian casualties must be avoided at all costs, impact on the war effort be damned.

In short, we refuse to fight to win.

Go read the entire article, but here’s an excerpt:

We are losing the war on Islamic Totalitarianism because our leadership, political and military, is crippled by the morality of altruism, embodied in the tenets of Just War Theory. The moral code inherent in Just War Theory defines rules that undercut, inhibit, and subvert any hope of success in war, because it demands that one regard one’s own life as the sacrificial object of others. The moral code of rational self-interest, by contrast, defines principles to attain the values that one’s life and happiness require—including success in war and national self-defense. Altruism is the morality of defeat, and rational self-interest is the morality of victory.

America faces a choice between two irreconcilable foes: self-defense or altruism—which are but forms of the basic choice we all face: life or death. Let us choose life.

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Charlie had his follow up visit with the Orthopedist today, and I was able to tag along with Ansley, who wasn’t sure she was going to make after having been out of commission with Strep the past few days. No worries there, though, she’s been feeling much better this afternoon! They took his cast off so they could get more x-rays, and I was able to see the ulcer on his heel for the first time. Man – it looks quite painful. It had burst sometime in the past 2 weeks, and looks to be well on the way to healing, but it still needs to be monitored.

Charlie’s fractures seem to be mending quite well, although they still caused him a bit of pain when the doctor was examining him. He was able to walk on it with minimal discomfort, and the doctor (Mr. Wilson as he calls himself!) seemed to be more concerned with the ulcer than the fractures at this point. He chose to leave the cast off so we could begin to get the ulcer treated. He got a special shoe to wear on the foot (I think they called it a post-op shoe) and we do need to be careful to keep Charlie from putting too much pressure on the foot for a couple of weeks longer (like jumping up and down – that will be challenging!). It took a few minutes once we got home for Charlie to get comfortable walking around again, but he was motoring around the house in no time.

The coolest part of the night was getting to give Charlie his first REAL bath in over 2 weeks! While he had his cast, Ansley and I would lay him in the tub, and I’d hold his cast up in the air while Ansley bathed him, to keep the cast from getting wet. He’d gotten to dislike that process quite a bit! So, tonight when we told him it was time to take a bath, he started off going “No Bath!” like he had been doing recently, and was a little fussy as we carried him upstairs. Once we had the bath ready, and put him in it, his face INSTANTLY lit up and you could tell he was thinking something like “Wait – I get to play in here by myself again? Awesome!” He loved every minute of it and was splashing around and playing in the tub like always.

In the end, although the past two weeks were more challenging than normal around the Cox household, I’m pretty amazed at how quickly Charlie adapted to life with a cast. He never complained about it once, and generally took everything new that came his way in stride.

The Episode of the Broken Foot is (hopefully) on its way to being history.

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I recently discussed a situation involving spanking with several people and a couple of the responses I got were: “I was spanked and there’s nothing wrong with me.” And “Well, maybe you shouldn’t do that when they are little, but once they get older and can understand you more, then it is fine.” I could not disagree more. Maybe some adults spank children because they do not have the knowledge of how to better handle challenging situations. Perhaps it is because the act of spanking is ingrained in them – that being spanked is simply a part of growing up. Whatever their reasons for spanking, I feel it is wrong.

What other purpose than instilling fear does spanking accomplish? It does not teach a child to make their own decisions based on what is right or wrong. It does not help them to trust their own judgment or instinct. Spanking is trying to make a child submit to your will without addressing the problem intellectually. It is bullying that is not acceptable in any other situation than that of an adult to a child.

There are times when I have been tempted to spank Charlie. It can get very frustrating to deal with toddlers! At those times, I pause to take a step back and think about what is going on with ME. Am I stressed, feeling rushed or feeling bad mentally or physically? It is up to me to be the level-headed, reasonable adult when Charlie is displaying age-appropriate behavior.

Charlie’s just now getting to an age (2 years old) where he’s beginning to grasp the “whys” of what we’re talking about when we have to stop him from doing something or correct him. We still use distraction and redirection as much as possible. With the verbal communication we know he understands a lot of it, but often times all he knows at the moment is that mom or dad is telling him he can’t do something he really wants to do. Still, ever since he’s been mobile enough to get himself into trouble, we’ve tried to include an explanation. (For a long time it was more for John and me to get into the Positive Discipline mindset than to expect him to comprehend us.) We keep explanations simple because of his age – but it is still giving him a real reason for our reactions to his actions.

For example, Charlie bit for a while. We would say, “Charlie, we do not bite. Biting hurts.” It was said firmly but gently. At 6 months, he didn’t understand our reasons, but it helped us (and him) get into a habit of clearly stating (and hearing) reasons why it was wrong. Now when he gets upset at us telling him not to do something, he’s beginning to grasp that we aren’t just doing it to stop his fun! There are reasons we correct him – and those reasons are grounded in reality and are not simply arbitrary. As he grows, John and I will work hard to add many Positive Discipline tools to our toolbox. Charlie will comprehend things more fully as his communication skills increase. I know that very soon from now he will want to know more in-depth reasons why he can’t do things. By laying the groundwork now, we will be able to expand upon the reasons like we have always done, without yelling, having to fall back on the tired, old “Because I said so!” And without spanking.

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I’m building a collection of little surprises I find sometimes…

Toys in the washer is the most common of the little surprises.

A new interest is placing objects precisely in the ice dispenser. At my parents’ house, he worked for almost a minute at getting a tomato to stand up straight in the very middle of the tray. Hmmm…forming theories about his future profession…

The rule is that if toys get thrown in the sink, they are off-limits until they are washed and rinsed. It hasn’t deterred him yet.

I didn’t take a photo of all the tampons he stuffed into his T-ball stand, although that was the funniest.

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Belated but GREAT news! The very first edition of the new Non-Punitive Discipline blog carnival is posted at Reepicheep’s Coracle! This is our friend Kelly’s blog, and although there has been very little talk of the subject on our own blog, John and I raise our son using this method.

Like the name of the blog carnival, this once-per-month resource will provide articles written by people that implement discipline without punishment and Positive Discipline. Not only is it a great resource for parents, but also for anyone that is responsible for raising/influencing children in some capacity. There is so much to be learned on this subject!

John and I will be submitting our own posts in the future and look forward to hosting the carnival here.

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Funny that the last few sentences in my Aug. 6th post were:

“Call me crazy, but moments like this make me so glad to have a boy. I love the rough and tumble, super energetic, Danger is his middle name personality! (Remind me of this when we’re on our way to the ER someday.)”

It didn’t even take a month.

The EVIL splint
Wearing our own splints for support.
Sporting his new blue cast

Charlie broke his foot – and, let me tell you, it was a nightmare. (I plan on sharing the 2 complaint letters that I am sending to Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta AND Gwinnett Medical Center once I finish them.) Two Saturdays ago, (Aug. 29th), Charlie jumped off one of the climbing things at a playground and it was obvious that he’d seriously hurt his foot. We rushed to Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta. Luckily, it was a Saturday right after school started, so our wait was over 5 hours long. (Sorry, I’ll try to keep the bitterness down to a minimum.) CHoA put a splint on Charlie’s foot incorrectly – they decided that Charlie didn’t need to have any padding between his foot and the hard plaster stabilizing it! This was after the radiologist didn’t think he had any fractures but didn’t want to take any chances. Three excruciatingly long days and nights later, we find out from an orthopedist that Charlie has THREE fractures!!! But that’s not the worst of it. Because Charlie’s splint was put on improperly, he developed an ulcer that covered his entire heel! His orthopedist said that those ulcers are more painful than a fracture.

From Saturday morning when he broke his foot until Tuesday morning when he got a cast, Charlie writhed and cried in pain. No being still, no sleep. No eating either. It was so unlike him that we knew he was really suffering. It was not a pleasant experience to say the least.

The day before Charlie went to the ortho and after crying nonstop for 4 hours, I lost my mind and took him to the ER at Gwinnett Medical Center. I couldn’t stand to see him hurting so much and couldn’t take it anymore myself, so I thought maybe the ER could do something – anything – until his orthopedic appointment the next day. I was willing to go to a witch doctor at that point.

Want to know what they did? They. Turned. Me. Away. A front desk dude and a nurse dude told me that the ER could do nothing more than what CHoA had done. Really. I still can’t believe that they turned away a mother and son in tears because of her son’s pain and they weren’t willing to even look at his foot. Only to find out 24 hours later that if they’d taken his splint off, they would have found the ulcer and could have provided some kind of relief before his orthopedist appointment the next day.

When I found out that we’d been provided with poor healthcare from two places that caused Charlie unnecessary suffering, I wanted someone’s head was seeing red. I still am, sometimes! Complaint letters don’t even skim the surface but at least someone at both places will hear about it.

And to think that we are American citizens with health insurance that are able to pay our medical bills. I can’t imagine what is to come once it’s “free”.

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